Chains: Part 35 (Eyeless Jack x Reader)

{Reader’s POV}
       When I next awoke, I was alone again. Like before, it took a while for me to wake up and my mind to start working properly, but this time Jack didn’t come in. Gradually I became aware that there was something around my wrists and ankles, and eventually I realized I was restrained. This time I wasn’t bound with shackles and chains, but instead leather straps with buckles, tethering me to the cold slate table. They weren’t too tight, though, allowing me to sit and pull my knees to my chest. As I did so, I noticed my hands were dressed in mittens with duct tape securing them to my wrists, rendering them effectively useless.

       At that moment, as I sat there in that cold unfamiliar room hugging my knees, I felt absolutely helpless.  I had angered Jack, and this was my punishment. My mind was still a little groggy, but I knew how vulnerable I was. The next time he came in, he could kill me and I would be unable to do anything about it. I didn’t even know why he was keeping me alive anymore, other than as a food source.

       Part of me wanted to cry, another part wanted to scream with frustration, but overall I just felt... numb. As numb as my side, which still had no feeling. I lifted my shirt slightly, an annoyingly difficult task thanks to the thick mittens, and saw I was still wrapped in gauze. However, unlike last time, there were no splotches of blood. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said about the concrete walls.

       As I stared at the bandages, memories of the first time I met Jack came back. I remembered waking up and lifting my shirt to see equally bloody bandages wrapping my side, only back then I was in my own, comfy bed and my familiar bedroom. Now I was in an unfamiliar windowless room with blood-splattered concrete walls and floors, lit only by a bare lightbulb from the ceiling, and tethered to a cold, metal slab. The sharp contrast between the two brought tears to my eyes, my breathing becoming shaky.

       I miss home... It was as simple as that. So much time has passed since the last time I thought of my house, and my bedroom. I miss the framed photos I had on the walls. I miss the nameplate on my door with my name in curly [f/c] letters. I miss my [pattern] comforter and the pillow I’d spent so much time picking out. I miss the pink tulip lamp sitting on my dresser since childhood, never lit or plugged in. I miss sitting on the porch in late summer evenings with a good book and listening to the birdsong and crickets outside.

       I miss being able to think of Buddy and not feel a pang of sharp pain in my heart.

       Before I knew it tears were rolling down my cheeks as I sobbed, overcome by homesickness. I’ve heard of homesickness, but up until this moment I never realized how real it was, how strong the pain was. I’ve heard people say “home is where the heart is”, but right now I think that’s bullshit. Right now my heart doesn’t belong anywhere, it has no “home”, it’s just lost and confused—just like me.

       The tears didn’t stop for a long time. I just sobbed and hiccuped and cried for everything I’ve lost, mourned what my life’s become. Every day spent living in fear, waiting for Jack to just decide I’m not worth it and eat me... He’s already removed something, I know it. I can feel this emptiness in me, and I know it’s not just my imagination. He’s taken everything from me, and now he’s going to eat me. The thought made me feel so helpless, so awful, I felt like I could cry forever.

       Eventually, though, the tears stopped. I seemed to run out of them, nothing would come anymore. And with them gone, I felt... hollow. Empty inside. I just sat there, unable to move or think. I think... I think I wanted to give up. Surrender. Let myself die. I remembered how in stories people would bite off their tongue to kill themselves, but I remember also hearing that it’s not actually fatal. Jack was in med school, he’d be able to treat me so I wouldn’t die. He’d keep me alive as long as he wanted.

       I didn’t even know why I was alive now. Why he didn’t just take my organs all at once.

       After what seemed like hours I heard a creak and light slowly flooded into the room, but I didn’t bother looking. I just kept my face buried in my arms, hugging my knees tightly to my chest. The light vanished and footsteps approached, stopping next to me. I didn’t bother looking, already knowing who was next to me. I didn’t want to look, to see that navy blue mask now, with the painted black tears perpetually mourning every victim even when its wearer didn’t.

       “[Name]...” His voice was soft, cautious. “Are you feeling better?” I didn’t respond, still didn’t look. Instead I pulled my knees tighter, biting my lip. “[Name]... Come on, don’t ignore me... We need to talk...”

       “About what?” I grumbled into my arms, closing my eyes.

       “About last night...” Last night? So I’d been here an entire night, out cold and strapped to a table? What time was it even? There were no windows or clock in here, and the only light came from the dull, bare lightbulb hanging from the ceiling near the table. However, I didn’t feel like asking. I had only one thing to say to him...

       “Go away,” I muttered, frowning into my arms.

       “[Name]... Please, don’t be like this...” I squeezed my eyes tightly, my mittened hands clenching into fists. If not for the mittens, by now my nails would have been sharply digging into the skin of my knees.

       “Leave me alone,” I whispered, trembling with rage and anxiety.

       “At least let me explai—”

       “Go away!” My voice was sharp, bordering a yell, and surprised even myself. Almost instantly I winced, expecting some sort of retaliation. However, instead after a short silence Jack just gave a small sigh. There was a soft clatter on the slab next to me, and I shifted my head slightly to peer through the small gap between my arms and legs to see a bowl of [fav canned soup] next to me.

       “I made you lunch,” he said softly, almost lamely. “If you won’t hear me out, at least eat, okay?” I didn’t respond, just returned my head back to its original position. After a while he sighed. “...I’ll be back soon... Try to eat before then... Please...” After saying this I heard his footsteps move away. Light briefly filled the room and then disappeared alongside a thump, sealing the room in near-darkness. At this point I flopped onto my back, staring at the ceiling mindlessly. A single tear trailed down my cheek as I rolled my head over to the side, staring at the bowl of soup.

       So this is what hell feels like.

~*~

       The next time Jack came, the door’s creaking stirred me from a dreamless slumber, and I immediately rolled over and curled into a ball away from the door. Jack walked over to the slab and sighed. “[Name]... You didn’t even touch the spoon...” I didn’t respond, just willed him to go away. Of course, he didn’t. “...[Name]... Come on, say something...”

       “Leave me alone,” I mumbled, staring at the blood-stained wall. Jack didn’t respond right away, but then he sighed.

       “[Name]... At least give me a chance to explain—”

       “Please...” My voice cracked as I said it, curling ever tighter into a small ball. He didn’t respond right away, but soon sighed.

       “[Name]... I know you’re upset... But hear me out.” Blinking away tears, I scowled and glared at the wall.

       “What is there to hear? You cut me open and carved me out! I’m nothing but a walking snack for you!”

       “[Name], that’s not tru—”

       “So you DIDN’T cut me open?” I rolled over and sat up, glaring at him. He stared back, and soon glanced away.

       “...No, I did,” he admitted reluctantly with a sigh, and quickly looked back. “But you don’t understand, it’s not what you think—”

       “Then what is it!?” I spat, glaring at him. “Because I can’t think of any reasons to cut me open unless you’re hungry or feel like fucking experimenting!” My words seemed to surprise me, and he tilted his head.

       “...Do you really think that’s all you are to me?” he asked, his voice quiet and almost sad. “A snack? Something to experiment with...?” His voice tapered off towards the end and he stared at me in silence, and after a few moments my glare faded and I buried my face in my knees once again.

       “Please, just leave me alone,” I whispered. Soon enough his footsteps retreated, leaving me alone to wallow in my grief.